My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
