dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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