my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
