I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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