Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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