You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
