I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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