You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
