at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
