You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
