You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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