Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
