honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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