Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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