We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
