More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
