Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
