I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize