i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
