K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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