if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
