Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
