New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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