i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Of course I have a pirate flag
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
