Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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