How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
