He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
