i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize