i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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