im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
