omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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