what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
