Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
