oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
