..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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