drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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