What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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