Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
