I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
