Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
