I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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