Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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