I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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