From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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