i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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