i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
