I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
