this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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