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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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