oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
