Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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