i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
