Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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