i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
