She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
