dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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