I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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