You made me cry and you don't even care
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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