Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
