Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
