we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
