Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
