wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
