she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
